Forge On or Shake the Dust?

I had my feelings hurt this week...don't be worried about me though...I'm a big girl. I can take it.

What I can't seem to get over though is where the issue lies. Is it with me? Is it with the other person? Is it insecurities of my past or in who I am? Is it insecurities on the other side? I've often felt as though it's my duty to give an account or an excuse for my actions and decisions. I ALWAYS try to base my decisions upon what God wants for me and for my family. I know that the decision I made was right, justified and exactly the decision that needed to be made. I can be strong in that decision BECAUSE I know that I sought God's direction in it.

Does that mean it will be easy to live that decision out? No. Does that mean it will always be clean and neat and handsomely packaged? No. Does that mean everyone else will understand the decision I made? Unfortunately no.

Do I forge ahead and try to maintain what is left of a friendship hanging by the threads or is this where I'm supposed to shake the dust and move on? Is it supposed to be this much work? I know relationships are hard, but do I keep setting myself up for continual punishment? I don't want to walk away, but is that what I'm SUPPOSED to do?

What happens when both people are doing their best to walk in the Truth and yet still can't see eye to eye? Do you agree to disagree? I was ready to do so...but is that the right thing to do?

Cutting ties is hard when you love someone. I guess all I can say is that I love you and I hope one day you can learn to forgive me for the decision I made, but I will not apologize for that decision.

Christmas time is HERE!!

Does it seem to anyone else that Christmastime is just really short this year??

We actually put our tree up a week before Thanksgiving so it's SEEMED Christmasy in our house, but I don't think our hearts were really into it yet. Mike and I were talking about this last night as he was hanging Christmas Lights on the front of the house. He has been VERY anxious to get everything up and decorated this year. Don't get me wrong, he USUALLY loves Christmas (as do I) and we often go over the top with decorating (3 years running as the winners of the decorating contests at FCC!!), but for some reason we just have this NEED to decorate this year.

We came to the conclusion that it is probably due to the fact that this has been one of the HARDEST years in our marriage that we've ever faced. Praise God we've grown closer during a time that would probably break up a lot of other marriages, but it's almost like we're trying to get this year over quickly. We need the refreshment of Christmas and then the cleansing of the new year...We NEED IT!

But is that how we should be going about this? I mean...shouldn't the anticipation come from wanting to remember the anticipation people felt of meeting the Messiah? Even the eve of Christ's birth was BUSY...it comes with the territory of the season I think (yes, I know that Christ was most likely born in the springtime...just hear me out). The night of Christ's birth was busy due to people returning to their hometowns for the census. They were being reunited with families, I'm sure mom's and grandma's were preparing their homes for lots and lots of company. Meals were being cooked, bread baking, houses being cleaned. It's really not much different from what we see now.

But...amidst all of the hullabaloo there was something so beautiful as a baby being born. Everyone was so busy that I'm sure they didn't notice the poor woman who was forced to sleep in a barn and lay her baby in a feeding trough. I'm sure they didn't notice the poor man who wanted nothing more than to offer his wife the best possible service and place to deliver her baby, and only be disappointed that he had to go with this alternative. I'm sure they didn't notice the smiles as they looked down at this precious baby and no longer worried about where they were sleeping. From that point forward all they could see was his beautiful sleeping face.

Peace, Peace.

That is the true meaning of Christmas...it was before the shepherds came. Before the wise men visited with gifts. It was the peace and the love of this precious gift sent from heaven.

May you all have a blessed and PEACEFUL Christmas this year.

One redeeming quality...

Last year we bought a dog. Yes, I gushed all the way through that post about how cute he was and how special he was. Now...the dog and I aren't the best of friends...heh

He chews everything. Digs up our yard. Gets too rough (in MY opinion) with the boys (although they love it).

But last Saturday he may have redeemed himself. Well, a little bit anyway.

The boys came running in the house from the backyard yelling "Freddy caught a rat!!" Thank the LORD Mike was home. We went out back and Freddy didn't have a rat in his mouth, but he was rooting in the grass trying to get SOMETHING.

Sure enough he pulls a MOLE OUT OF THE GROUND!! So, Mike then jumps into action and gets a shovel and tries to get the mole out of Freddy's mouth. He eventually drops it and Mike takes care of the problem.

After talking to our neighbor we find that he put mole away in his yard. Great. Well, at least we have our own Mole Catcher now. :)

Ramblings of my Overdriven Life...

Jackson is running a fever. Poor baby. He had his shots yesterday and was up ALL FREAKING NIGHT! I MAYBE got 2 hours TOPS...oh well...it's not like it's EVERY night. He's a VERY good sleeper usually.

I'm about to take boy #2 to preschool and then swing by boy #1's school to register boy #2 for Kindergarten. If I didn't have the baby I'd probably be balling my eyes out today. Where did all of the time GO!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm not going to be able to handle this if the school years continue to fly by so quickly. UGH!

Boy #1 has been doing a BIT better in school lately. He's still struggling with his behavior. I think a lot of the stress around here may be trickling down on to him and he doesn't know how else to handle it...sigh. He's doing GREAT academically and I'm considering having him tested for the gifted program. My only concern is that his teacher will nix it DUE to the fact he won't stay on task. I believe he's bored.

Boy #2 has been throwing temper tantrums lately. Who knew we'd bypass the toddler years with no problem only to have him pitch fits when he turned 5!?!?!? He's still way too cute though. He had to have shots yesterday too. He was such a big strong boy and would NOT let the nurse see him cry. LOL. After he was done (he went first before the baby)he went and sat in a chair in the corner and teared up a bit, but he was VERY brave.

Boy #3 is growing like a weed...well, a slow growing weed I guess. They told me yesterday he's not gaining weight fast enough. But all of my boys were that way. So I'm not really worried about it. Blake never outgrew it...Ryley did.

The man has a new job working at Lowe's. He's only part-time right now and he's doing the construction stuff on the side when his boss has work for him. He's such a hard worker and does such a good job trying to support his crazy family. Now, if we could do something about this crappy economy we'd be alright...heh

Me? I'm looking for a job still. I had to postpone an interview I had scheduled (due to afformentioned fever) for this morning. I'm meeting with a lady who would like to hire me to teach group piano lessons for preschoolers. It's right up my alley and I really hope it is something that I can consider doing. The problem is it is 30 minutes away and I don't know what the pay rate is yet. So pray that it will be enough to warrant me going back to work. My mil is kind enough to come up in May and stay through June to help us out so we don't have to pay child care. This will help us catch up on bills and what not too.

Anyway...this is my crazy overdriven life. But I love it. I didn't even mention church activities, T-ball games, spending time with my family. Oh the list goes on, but I won't wear y'all out with it...that's MY burden to bear ;)

A Life Renewed

Back in January...wow...that would be 4 months ago already...yeesh...I had a theme for my new year. My theme: Renewal.

Over the last 2 months I've begun to question why God would have me choose a theme of renewal when things were still going OH SO VERY wrong. I realized this weekend that He had me choose this theme to PREPARE MY HEART for the renewal HE was placing in my heart and in our family.

Last year was hard. But last year was also incredibly amazing. We started a church and we still love every person there. We found out that I was pregnant and God allowed for ANOTHER amazing pregnancy for me. I had another beautiful little boy who continues to make me love him every day. Our marriage grew stronger. Ryley started Kindergarten. Oh the list could go on. And sometimes I need it to go on. I need the reminder of JUST HOW BLESSED I AM.

When I felt God lay the theme of renewal on my heart I thought that meant He would make things all better. That the hard times would be left to 2007. Oooh boy. Was I wrong.

Instead I feel that God is CONTINUING to strip away the old me. I hadn't been stripped enough. I'm like Shrek...an onion with many layers. I am stinky and smelly and need those layers scrubbed away. My prayers have gone from "Oh Lord please provide." to "Oh Lord, show me what you want from me."

God has not been quiet through all of this. As a matter of fact there have been times that I KNOW He's been shouting it out loud and I have been too caught up in my own worries to really listen to what He's trying to tell me. After all, didn't *I* pray for this. Back when things were going well...didn't I pray to have the faith of Job? Why would I not expect God to say, "Ok...you asked for it...I'm going to build you up." So should I be surprised that my prayers have turned to, "Ok God...thank you. I appreciate your tests, but that's enough. I'm beginning to understand. Now. Can you give me all that 'stuff' back?"

Seems kind of ridiculous when I type it out like that.

The truth is...I cannot be renewed until the garbage is gone. God didn't abandon me when life got tough. He's holding my head up while I walk through the muck. I can yell and scream and throw all the tantrums I want, but that doesn't change that God is working. I may not be able to see HOW just yet, but he's working. And as always, he's going to come through when I LEAST expect it and in a way I never planned. B/c THAT is how my God shows me His glory and His grace.

I was talking to a friend this weekend and I was telling her about how I used to ask Jesus to wait for his return until I got married. Then after I got married I asked for him to wait until I had kids. Then after having kids it all changed. Now I'm praying COME JESUS COME while throwing in there, "I'd prefer before they're teenagers!!"

It's not about me and what I want. It's about God's timing. Just like in my scrubbing away. As much as I want the bills to be paid, money in the bank (just a little Lord), and gas in our cars...it's not going to happen in my time. I need to get out of the way and let the Lord work. Get my oniony-stank self OUT.OF.THE.WAY. And let God do what HE does best.

Stolen From...well EVERYBODY!

I saw this on Jojo's sight as well as Pattie's, Becky's, and I'm sure it's on just about every blog right now...heh...(btw...you can find these lovely ladies in the Women At Home Blog Roll on my sidebar)...without further ado:


60 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me


1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Car seats, books and toys that Blake (mainly...although Ryley is the book culprit) stashes in the cup holders and every other nook and cranny he can find


2. When was the last time you threw up?
October 2004...it was the last time I caught the stomach bug from the boys...blech
(I know you're thrilled to see if the other questions are this interesting)


3. What's your favorite curse word?
CRAP...but I'm a lady who lives in the south so we can't forget DANGIT!!


4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
my husband, my 6 year old and my 5 year old

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Taking Ryley to school


6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Parusing the World Wide Web


7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Probably making dinner.


8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
HELL No (whoops there's a dirty word)

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
STOP ASKING ME FOR FOOD!!!!!!!!!


10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
If I HAD to pick I'd say Mint Chocolate Chip OR Cookies in Cream...I love both...please don't make me choose.


11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Sweet Tea

12. What are you wearing right now?
t-shirt and pants...who wants to know?? heh


13. What was the last thing you ate?
Yeah...I ate McDonald's for lunch...so WHAT!


14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Not for ME, but I did buy some pants for Jackson earlier this week...the kids' growing like a WEED!!!


15. When was the last time you ran?
Ok...this isn't fun for me any longer.


16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
The Super Bowl...i think...heh


Um...what happened to question 17??


18. Who is the last person you emailed?
My GalPals


19. Ever go camping?
You must not know me very well to ask me this stupid question.


20. Do you have a tan?
Uh no. Yes...I live in FL and look like an albino...you can laugh all you want to when you're old, wrinkly and have skin cancer.


Joanne? Did you not like some of these questions? Is that why we're skipping along?? heehee


24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
If we're in a restaurant, b/c that's just nasty to drink from restaurant cups *shudder*


25. What did your last IM say?
Nothing...although a smiley face from Marisa says a LOT :)


26. Are you someone's best friend?
I'm a lucky one :)


27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Absolutely nothing...well, that's not true...normal stuff like laundry, dishes, baby feeding, baby changing still goes on.


28. Where is your mom right now?
Am I my mother's keeper? I guess she's at home...how should I know?


29. Look to your left, what do you see?
Closet system


30. What color is your watch?
Pale? I don't wear one...


31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
LOST


32. Would you consider plastic surgery?
Absolutely...although I would never do anything to my face or to "upgrade" my appearance, but I WOULD have plastic surgery on some *ahem* areas to help my back feel better and to reduce headaches if you catch my drift.

33. What is your birthstone?
Pearls


34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Usually drive thru since we only eat there when we absolutely have to...ick...yes, I DID drive thru McDonald's today...shuddup


35.How many kids do you want?
I want for no more :)


36. Do you have a dog?
Ugh...yes


37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
my hubster

38. Have you met anyone famous?
I met Jeff Gordon when I was about 11 or 12...he used to date my old babysitter. I sat on his lap and he gave me a kiss on the cheek...the next week he won his first 500...yep...I gave him good luck.

39. Any plans today?
I need to go figure out dinner here soon...first I'll have to feed the bebe...

40. How many states have you lived in?
2: Kentucky, Florida, Kentucky, Florida...in that order :)

41. Ever go to college?
Yes...Florida Christian College

42. Where are you right now?
I'm sitting on the toilet...where do you THINK I am...I'm on the computer...duh...

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Government's waste of paper...I've received 5 notices in the past 3 days to tell me my kids are not eligible for Medicaid (which is NOT what I was told over the phone) and then today I receive a whole packet on choosing a plan for our kids' Medicaid...seriously making me want to beat my head on a wall.

44. Last song listened to?
All I Want is You (Planetshakers...I think)

46. Are you allergic to anything?
I only have seasonal allergies but nothing that will send me to the hospital.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Flipflops...and I wear them all.the.time.

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
Oh please...

San Francisco has 49'ers

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
What? They like my broken tooth?

51. What time is it?
4:56 pm

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes

53. Do you eat healthily?
Starting Monday...yeah...Monday

54. What do you usually do during the day?
Oh I am SOOO Not going to bore you with my life here. Just imagine a chicken...now see this chicken with no head...yeah...that would be me :P

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
I've got enough to worry about in my life without hating other people...life's too short people...let's feel some LOVE!

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
I suppose... when I answer the phone. Dude...I'm stealing Joanne's answer *giggles*

Here we go skipping questions again...

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
25 <~~ Joanne's answer makes me laugh...heehee...I'll be 29 in June...I can admit my age for one more year :)

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes...we used to take our youth group every year...

60. How did you get one of your scars?
Oh my gosh...funny story...the ONLY scar I have is on my knee. I skinned my knees in the parking lot of Pizza Hut when I was in 6th grade. We used to go to Pizza Hut on Friday nights for dinner then walk to the movie theatre and our parents would pick us up when it was over (my how times have changed). Well, the boy I liked was at PH and being a 6th grade girl I did what any girl my age would do. I chased him. And then I tripped over one of those parking curbs. Yep. I was a dork.

I fell in love all over again this Valentine's Day

I know you're probably thinking I'm talking about Mike...but I'm not...heehee...although WHAT I feel in love with directly relates to that wonderful husband of mine. He bought me THIS for my minivan. Yup...I have completely fallen in love all over again with my iPod. I think this is by FAR one of the greatest inventions of all time. I've been listening to podcasts for LOST, housecleaning (yes...I am STILL working on motivating myself more in this area), Relevant, Focus on the Family, and some others. AND I can download children's books for my kids to listen to in the car...it saves me from having to suffer hearing loss from the fights in the backseat.

This is SO NOT a Pay Per Post blog...I just LOOOOOOOOOVE my iPod...LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! I told Mike for my birthday he can get me the iPod Alarm Clock...if and when I get that I will not be going ANYWHERE (except the shower) without it by my side...

Ready or Not?

I don't usually cover political topics here on my blog. First because I don't really get into all of the hype that surrounds political figures and their beliefs. Secondly because it's normally a topic that steps on more toes than I am willing to step on.

Today marks an interesting day in this country's existence. The invitation and arrival of a known terrorist supporter on our country's soil. The thought of it really makes me shudder. I've heard over and over how this is what makes our country so great, the ability to free speech and the ability to protest that speech if we so feel inclined. I've walked that line over the last day or so since hearing this story of understanding why they would want to hear from him all the way to the other side of being down right MAD that they would be stupid enough to invite someone like this man to our country.

I know his arrival is not being celebrated, not even by those who invited him, but at the same time, I can't help but feel sorry for those who will have to sit there and listen to this man talk about what is mentioned in this quote taken from FoxNews:

"When we take a look around us, we are not happy with what we see," Ahmadinejad said through an interpreter, via video. "Threats of war have affected everyone. Continuous wars have in fact hurt the human spirit. If we look at the root cause of some of these problems, we will be able to think about how to build a better future, a more prosperous future based on peace and security of all humanity."

This man has ADMITTED to aiding in terrorist attacks, selling weapons to Iraq that have killed OUR soldiers, and now building nuclear weapons. It is a well known fact that he is a liar and that he is as big an anti-semite as they come! He has been known to question the reality of the Holocaust by calling it a myth and wanting to wipe Israel out.

I can't help but wonder if we are hearing the antichrist himself. Our pastor is doing a sermon series right now on the end times. We've been looking at the "signs" which Christ tells us to look out for in order to know the end is coming.

To hear Columbia University's reasoning behind their invitation I wonder just how much we need to know about the enemy...quote:

"It's extremely important to know who the leaders are of countries that are your adversaries," Bollinger told ABC's "Good Morning America." "To watch them to see how they think, to see how they reason or do not reason. To see whether they're fanatical or to see whether they are sly."

Do we need to invite him onto our soil to watch him to see how he thinks or reasons? No. Ahmadinejad's idea of justice is to kill those who speak out against him. Can't we look at his actions as we know of them without having to listen to the lies that come out of his mouth?

Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of New York, is probably the only one who seems to get how stupid this whole idea is. He said, "I think he's said enough that I find disgusting and despicable." Bloomberg has stated that he will not be hearing what Ahmadinejad has to say.

"So if they say, 'Run to the country and see him arrive!' or, 'Quick, get downtown, see him come!' don't give them the time of day. The Arrival of the Son of Man isn't something you go to see. He comes like swift lightning to you! Whenever you see crowds gathering, think of carrion vultures circling, moving in, hovering over a rotting carcass. You can be quite sure that it's not the living Son of Man pulling in those crowds." Matt. 24:26-28

Experiment or Exploitation?

Have you all seen the previews to the new CBS show starting next month called Kid Nation?

Here's a link to an article in the LA Times regarding the investigation that New Mexico is now doing on the show itself. Some people feel that this is a violation of Child Labor Laws while others see this as an interesting experiment.

What do you think?