Forge On or Shake the Dust?

I had my feelings hurt this week...don't be worried about me though...I'm a big girl. I can take it.

What I can't seem to get over though is where the issue lies. Is it with me? Is it with the other person? Is it insecurities of my past or in who I am? Is it insecurities on the other side? I've often felt as though it's my duty to give an account or an excuse for my actions and decisions. I ALWAYS try to base my decisions upon what God wants for me and for my family. I know that the decision I made was right, justified and exactly the decision that needed to be made. I can be strong in that decision BECAUSE I know that I sought God's direction in it.

Does that mean it will be easy to live that decision out? No. Does that mean it will always be clean and neat and handsomely packaged? No. Does that mean everyone else will understand the decision I made? Unfortunately no.

Do I forge ahead and try to maintain what is left of a friendship hanging by the threads or is this where I'm supposed to shake the dust and move on? Is it supposed to be this much work? I know relationships are hard, but do I keep setting myself up for continual punishment? I don't want to walk away, but is that what I'm SUPPOSED to do?

What happens when both people are doing their best to walk in the Truth and yet still can't see eye to eye? Do you agree to disagree? I was ready to do so...but is that the right thing to do?

Cutting ties is hard when you love someone. I guess all I can say is that I love you and I hope one day you can learn to forgive me for the decision I made, but I will not apologize for that decision.

Making Changes Left and Right

Down 12 pounds in three months!! It's hard to believe it's only been three months though with all of the changes I've been making, but I've been taking it slow so that's really helping me stick with it!!

Change #1: Started "dieting" with the help of the ladies in my office and their experience with Weight Watchers. I didn't sign up for any classes or anything, but I was keeping track of points, eating carefully, etc. This lasted for about a month before I got lazy with the point tracking. Not so much the CONSUMPTION of points, but I would never write down and document where I stood as far as points go. It just wasn't working for me.

Change #2: Went vegetarian. Yup. I did. And you wanna hear something surprising? It wasn't hard. I'm serious! It wasn't hard at all and I haven't missed meat at all!! My sister (who is vegan) encouraged me to try some different meat substitutes to help any cravings, but I never really got any. I'm still eating fish/seafood as there is no way this Florida girl is giving that up...plus it's a good source of protein for me as I'm not a huge bean eater.

Change #3: This week I implimented change #3 as I've been trying to take this whole thing slowly. What is that change you ask? Well, I joined a gym!! Shocker...I know. But this girl who will not wake up for anything in the morning is getting up at 5:45 in the morning and at the gym by 6:45 at the latest. I work out until 8am and then shower and head to work. I'm LOVING it!!!

Change #4: Well, this change hasn't happened yet...I guess you could call this more of a GOAL, but I'm contemplating running a 5K in September. I say running only because I'm well on the way of being able to run MOST of it as long as I stick with the plan I'm on. My goal at this point is to get registered and hold myself accountable to DOING it. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

I'm actually very proud of myself and the fact that I've actually been sticking with this and have actually changed my whole lifestyle. I don't crave the crap anymore. I seriously WANT to eat healthier. I feel better and have more energy...well, I did until I started at the gym this week, but I'm told as I continue there the energy will come back.

The biggest thing has been to take it slow...make changes one at a time. A good friend gave me some great advice in that I should only change one thing every 30 days. This has been a great way for me to not feel overwhelmed and to focus on getting used to that change and turning into a habit or a way of life for me.

Whatever it is, I'm feeling like I'm able to handle the day to day so much better and I'm able to be a better wife and mommy to my family and that's the most important thing to me.

The New and Improving ME!!

No, I'm not here to promise to blog more...we all know how that will turn out. I'm here to tell you (my endearing throng of reader...yes, singular) that I am making changes (yes, plural!)!!!

The ladies at work and I have been doing Weight Watchers together and really documenting what we're eating and holding each other accountable...and let me tell you, accountability is awesome!! Who knew!?!?!? :)

So far I have only lost 5 pounds, but I'm not down about it! I've lost FIVE POUNDS IN THREE WEEKS!!!! I think that's pretty awesome if you ask me :)

But the bigger changes I've seen this week is that I'm not only opting for the healthier choices, but I'm WANTING the healthier choices!! I'm working out every day and I really, REALLY want this!! About time right?

Right now I'm at my heaviest (non-pregnancy) weight. I'm so not happy about that. I mean, I could seriously care less what other people thing about me, but I DO care about how *I* feel about me. I care about being desirable for my husband (NOT that he's ever complained mind you) and I care about being healthy for my kids.

I'm proud to say that I am actually grasping this whole change and running with it. Change has never been easy, but it's always seemed to be a part of my life whether I've liked it or not. This time I'm grasping it and embracing it and never, ever going to let this go!!

"Hello Friend!"

Wow...over a year? Really? Has it been that long? Well I guess it goes without saying that life has been crazy, busy and full. It's also brought a lot of great things about...and in this week some not so great. It's been so crazy that I haven't really had much time to reflect. To reflect on who I am, my faith, or on anything really.

This week I lost a friend. She was a friend from college whom everyone loved. She had a spunky personality and was filled with unbreakable joy. Now I know that when someone close to you dies everyone talks about how great they were and often overidolize that person, but that's really not the case here. She truly ALWAYS had a smile on her face. Smiley Kylee. She greeted everyone she met with the same greeting, "Hello Friend!"

Kylee Boden went to be with the Lord this past Wednesday. She was pregnant with her forth baby and passed out. They rushed her to the hospital where she had an emergency C-Section and baby Caleb was born. He was a few weeks early, but otherwise healthy. Kylee never woke up to welcome her new baby into this world. She never got to hear him cry. Never got to kiss his perfectly soft and warm forehead. Never got to hold him in her arms. They said she had a stroke due to preeclampsia.

This is only supposed to happen in the movies. Not to people I know. Not to someone I called friend. How is this fair?


It's not. But life isn't fair right? At least not in this life. Fairness can't be defined by our culture. We as Americans DEFINITELY can't define it. But that's a whole 'nother blog post...one that I won't wait a year to post. In the meantime I trust that God IS fair and just. I trust that Kylee has walked through the gates of heaven after seeing her name in the Book of Life with a big fat check mark next to it. Jesus is standing there greeting her saying, "Hello friend...well done my good and faithful servant."

I'm HERE! I'm ALIVE! I'm BUSSSSSY!!!!

*sigh*

How pitiful that it takes a comment from Bedky to make me realize that I haven't updated my blog since before Christmas.  Sad. sad. sad.

BUT...I haven't just been sitting around twiddling my thumbs.  Did you know I got a job in October of last year?  Of course you did.  I probably told you...that, or you heard me screaming from my roof how thankful I was ;)

I'm working for a promotional company in the Model & Talent department.  It's a very stressful job, but also very fun work.  It makes me excited to go to work every morning which is very helpful considering I did NOT want to go back to work.  I would still rather be home and truly feel that's where God will have me end up, but He's got something in store for me at this company...there are just too many things that have happened to NOT be the case.

The family...yes...they're still happy and healthy.  Mike turns 33 tomorrow.  Crazy.  It's weird to think I'm married to someone who's in their mid-thirties...heh.  But then again *I* will be 30 this year so I'm not teasing him...much.

Jackson is WALKING!!!  I'm so not dealing with this well either.  He's into EVERYTHING :)

Blake is doing well in school and is learning how to read.

Ryley is reading like crazy and doing well in school.  If I could just keep him out of trouble we'd be doing well...heh

Did I mention that my MIL moved in?  She came up to live with us right before Christmas and has been here ever since.  Things are going really well and I couldn't ask for a better person to watch my children for me during the day.

That's about it...I'll probably update again in about a month...or 6...heehee...